Intended as action-oriented, humorous SF. An odd idea from late 2001.
Charles Lambert reclined in his beach-chair, digging his feet deeper into the warm white sand. His blond hair blew slightly in the gentle breeze. Blue eyes scanned the endless waves before him, searching for nothing in particular. He turned his head, once again addressing the young woman on the beach towel to his right.
“You know, it’s a statistical fact that more cosmologically-significant events occur on beaches than anywhere else in the universe.”
The young woman – barely more than a girl, to be honest – did not respond. Her eyes were closed, her hands folded over her taut abdomen in blissful relaxation. The woman’s long legs stretched nearly to the waterline. In fact, every few moments a breaker reached the tips of her toes, wetting them with warm foam. A luxurious auburn mane surrounded her head; her lips were curled upward at the corners. She did not seem to be awake.
Charles took no notice of her non-responsiveness. “So here we are, on…did you say it was called Earth? A planet with many beaches.”
The girl continued to do nothing.
Charles tilted his head downward a minute fraction of a centimeter. He glanced at the girl’s breasts for a few moments, enjoying their gentle rise and fall. Then he moved one leg and poked her in the ribs with his toes.
“Catherine?” And, after a moment, “Catherine!”
The girl stirred, shifted slightly (away from the offending foot), and opened her eyes. They were a bright violet, and sparked like exotic, iridescent gemstones in the August sunlight.
“Whayawant?” She said.
Charles sighed. “Here I am, talking about events of cosmological significance, and you’re sleeping again.”
Catherine yawned and sat up. She brushed sand from her blue bikini, then briefly looked around. “See anything yet?”
“No, but it has to be soon.”
“Intuition, experience, planetary alignment, fate, the fact that we’re on a beach,” he smiled sweetly at her. “In other words, I have no idea, dear sister.”
Catherine yawned again. “Earth is a good planet for sleeping. Not like that last place.”
Impatience showed on Charles’ face. “You mean Sigma Tau? Or Neibos?”
Catherine made a face. “The one with all the giant lizards.”
“Yeah, whatever. Good luck sleeping there.”
“No beaches whatsoever, Cathy. That was the problem with Neibos.”
Catherine nodded vigorously. “Yes. That and all the giant lizards running around, trying to eat you.” Her head fell back onto the sand. Within a minute her breathing became regular once more. Charles sighed. It was impossible to carry on a serious discussion with Cathy. She was all brawn, no brain.
A grotesquely obese person passed close to their position on the beach at that moment. He paused almost directly beside Charles, puffing like an old man trying to blow out a cakeful of candles.
“Excuse me,” he said when he had regained his wind. “Would you happen
to know the time?”
Charles opened his mouth, intending to be quite rude, when suddenly
something caused him to glance up. A small, fast object had burst from the belly of one white, puffy cloud. It seemed to be heading straight for the beach.
“Yes,” he responded, adressing the fat man while at the same time pokng Catherine once more with his foot. “It’s time to earn my pay.”
As his sister roused herself, staring at the approaching object with rapt attention, Charles leapt to his feet. The obese man cringed and ran hurriedly away (huffing and puffing like a steam boiler) when he saw Charles began to glow with a faint purple radiance.
“Lucky this beach is almost deserted,” Catherine said, gaining her feet.
“Cause here comes trouble.”
“I knew it,” Charles mumbled to himself. He raised his arms, violet force coalescing in pale flame all along them. “Beaches.”
The battle began one second later.